Glass
by druidangel
Summary: CHAPTER 6 FINALLY uploaded needless to say, shinji is depresed after he kills kaworu. Yes, i know it's been done like a million times, but it's not too bad reallywarning:shounen ai, darkfic & kinda' weird
1. Regrets

~Glass~  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own neon genesis evangelion, GAINAX does and they rule!!!!!!  
If I did I wouldn't be writing FAN FICTION meaning fiction written by  
Fans, would I now!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?  
  
This is a very odd story about the aftermath of Shinji killing Kaworu.  
  
//____// Subconscious voices *____* thoughts "____" speck  
  
CHAPTER 1 REGRETS  
  
I am glass, broken by love and loss.I am shattered glass.  
  
The sun is shining orange through the window of the room anyone else, by now, would have called home. It reflects of every individual speck of dust as if they were significant in some way; but the dust won't settle. I haven't moved from this spot for however long it takes you to realize you are of no purpose, nothing.  
  
//why did you kill him//  
  
"I don't know any more."  
  
//why did you kill him//  
  
Shinji just lay there he didn't want to answer that he didn't have to. He ran out of answers days ago but still the voices haunted him. He had killed the only person on the face of the earth that cared about him, yes he was an angel but this, to Shinji, was no longer an excuse.  
  
"Kaworu I miss you, it hurts so bad...I need you Kaworu."  
  
Shinji could not make sense of this, it wasn't fair. Maybe Kaworu was wrong maybe he wasn't deserving of love.  
  
"Shinji what's the matter, why don't you let any one in"  
  
"What do you mean, Kaworu?"  
  
"Why do you block people out? Are you afraid that they will betray you; like your father did"  
  
"Everyone that been my friend has either left, betrayed me or died"  
  
Shinji broke away from his daydream as Misato entered his room.  
  
"hiya Shinji how's it going, feeling any better?"  
  
Shinji said nothing, got out his bed and went to get his cloths. Misato sat down on the bed where Shinji had just been. She didn't know why he was this way *does he miss piloting the EVA, has he lost his identity again?*.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Well guten morgan my cold-blooded man of the house!" Asuka said with a malicious look on her face.  
  
"Guten morgan." Shinji said depressively  
  
"Well, hurry up I'm starving"  
  
"I'm coming, Asuka."  
  
He brought the scrambled eggs and toast over to the table; and put them down. Asuka looked at the food.  
  
"YOU IDIOT YOU ONLY MADE ENOUGH FOR TWO!!!!!!"  
  
"So?" Shinji asked slightly confused  
  
"What's Misato gonna eat?"  
  
"Half of it, I'm not hungry."  
  
Asuka looked at him strangely *that makes it three days* she thought to her self *oh well it's not my problem* but deep down she was slightly worried.  
  
"Hey Asuka, how's it going"  
  
Misato had just came in the room as Shinji had got up to leave. Asuka was about to ask if Shinji was going be okay but changed her mind as the last second.  
  
"Misato why has Shinji been acting like such a manic depressive lately" she said ignorantly  
  
"I guess the fact that he can't pilot the EVA anymore has cased him to lose his identity; no matter how much he hated it."  
  
*Kaworu.*  
  
*Kaworu why did I kill you, I hade no right to take your life*  
  
*You loved me, can you ever forgive me*  
  
"Kaworu can you ever forgive me. I'm so fucked up I don't even have a reason to live any more," Shinji cried.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Asuka sat in front of the TV; flicking from channel to channel till she finally stopped at a music station 'the school of hard knocks' was playing but Asuka was not a great fan of rap or rock so she went to the kitchen to get a drink. There was no cola left so she decided to take one of Misato's beers instead. As she walked back to the TV she heard what sounded like crying and occasional mumbling she went along the hall to Shinji's room. She opened the door; Shinji lay on the bed face first in his pillow. Asuka wrinkled her nose at this.  
  
"Hey idiot, shut up I'm listening to the TV," she snarled.  
  
Shinji continued to weep silently.  
  
"Shinji, you ok," she said in a slightly softer tone (which was still harsh considering it was Asuka).  
  
She steeped over to Shinji how was still sobbing slightly. Asuka sat down on the bed beside him.  
  
"Yo, Shinji, what's up," she said cheerfully.  
  
Shinji just lay there; not saying a word. This made Asuka very mad.  
  
"Shinji you either tell me or I'll.I'll."  
  
Asuka didn't know what to say she didn't have an insult a threat or even a witty remark. This scared Asuka quite a bit, so she turned her attention back to Shinji.  
  
"SHINJI, JUST TELL ME!" Asuka yelled  
  
Asuka lifted Shinji by his arm. Shinji just hung there, he had no life left in his body but much to Asuka's relief he moved his other hand to give himself some support. Asuka opened her beer.  
  
"Man you've been acting so strange lately." She said while getting up from her seat on the bed, "You gotta loosen up a bit." Her voice returned to it's former I don't care attitude.  
  
Shinji was beginning to scare her; so she left the room.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"And he has been that way ever since?" Asuka exclaimed.  
  
"Yep" Misato said with quite a serious look on her face, considering how drunk she was.  
  
Both or them took a large gulp of their beers. Asuka who was still relatively sober twitched and took another sip.  
  
"I don't get it, if he hated the EVAs why would he want to pilot one?"  
  
Misato just shrugged. Asuka thought about this for a second and then decided to brush her teeth before going to bed, she got up and luckily wasn't drunk enough to fall over, she wished she could say the same for Misato.  
  
Shinji had been talking to Kaworu for about an hour know. Kaworu was still listening contently.  
  
" I think I may have been born just to meat you, Shinji"  
  
Shinji smiled at the other boy but Kaworu could see the pain Shinji felt. He reached and ran two fingers down Shinji's cheek. Shinji savoured the sensation, he needed this so badly, if it had been Asuka or Rai he would have moved away, but with Kaworu he felt safe.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Shinji woke up remembering that night was so painful, how he wished he could be back in Kaworu's warm embrace. Tears were streaming down his face. He was so cold with out him, he always new what to say he imagined Kaworu holding him kissing his tears away. This made him even more depressed he couldn't go on much longer with out him. He curled up under the covers, life was so cruel to him, even Kaworu knew that.  
  
//who are you with out him?//  
  
"I can't tell any more"  
  
//are you anything with out him?//  
  
"I don't know"  
  
//.Why did you kill him?//  
  
Shinji started to cry again the sound trailed of into the night.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"GUTEN MORGAN EVERYONE." Asuka greated them in a high-pitched yelp.  
  
"Hey Asuka what do you want for breakfast." Misato asked  
  
A look of horror crossed Asuka face.  
  
"Wh.what, why are you cooking, where is Shinji."  
  
"I came through and he wasn't here; so I started breakfast."  
  
The look of horror remained on her face.  
  
"I think I'll cheek on him." Asuka suggested.  
  
"Hey baka wake up because you slept in we have to eat Misato's cooking." She said as she entered the room.  
  
She thought he would be on this bed but instead, he was more depressingly curled up in a corner knees pulled up to his chest hands clutched over the top of his head. He was slowly rocking back and forth.  
  
"Misato I think you should come see this." Asuka called panicking slightly.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----- Author's notes/ramblings  
  
Hope you liked the first chapter I know I know It's strange but I do my best, please R+R as I need to know what people think of my writing. Look out for more depressive weirdness in the next chapter, a loss. 


	2. A Loss

~Glass~  
  
DA's Notes------------------------------------------------------------------ -----------------------  
  
Sorry about the spelling mistakes, I'm really actually quite young (young enough for it to be considered REALLY weird that I'm into yaoi) but that doesn't matter, I would rather be considered a bad punctuator/speller (which I know I am) than be let of for it because I'm young which brings me to the subject off the 'don't blame me' thing. It was just a joke, y'know sarcasm but of course you can't write sarcasm the truth be told it would be a lot easier if you could, but you can't, so there ya go.  
  
P.S. Thank you, shella, for the review. I was beginning to think no one else would read my story because of neohowler (no offence, you gave me your honest opinion and I respect that).  
  
P.S.x2 I have just eaten three large slices of chocolate cake and man am I stuffed.  
  
P.S.x3 I wish I knew what a dubby attitude was.  
  
P.S.x4 I am sorry for P.S.x2 and 3. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------  
  
CHAPTER 2: A LOSS  
  
Shinji was now rapped up in a blanket at the kitchen table with dark patches under his eyes. Misato put a mug of green tea in front of him.  
  
*Why is it that every one that comes in contact with the EVAs ends up like this* Misato's thoughts started to drift off as she stared into Shinji's eyes, they were like burnt pits as if the loss of his 'friend' had squeezed every last drop of hope and humanity out of his soul. Like he was dieing slowly and painfully in his own personal hell. Misato felt useless. She couldn't help him any more.  
  
Shinji took a sip of his tea; he didn't even notice the waves of perfume like steam that were lifting of the surface of the green tinted liquid.  
  
"Asuka go to the bathroom and get the thermometer, it.it's in the cupboard.above the sink." Misato asked as her hang over started to affect her memory.  
  
Asuka went into the bathroom, the air was damp and steamy Misato had had a bath earlier and the ventilation wasn't working; so the room maintained it's moist atmosphere. She walked over to the cupboard and opened the door. Rummaging around she found a packet of band aids some of Misato's extra absorbent tampons and finally she found at the very back of the cupboard a very dusty thermometer after washing it under some cold water she went back to the kitchen where Misato had her hand over Shinji's forehead.  
  
"Where were you Asuka? I've been waiting for ages!" Misato said whilst grabbing the Thermometer from her hand.  
  
"WELL IF THAT'S THE THANKS I GET FOR HELPING THEN MABEY I SHOULDN'T HELP!!" Asuka screamed angrily.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
*He loved me, the only person that ever loved me and I killed him; how ironic, life is always screwing me. I can't take it any more.*  
  
//You killed him, he did not want to die, it's your fault//  
  
//why did you kill him? //  
  
"No."  
  
//why did you kill him?//  
  
//Shinji, you disappointed me// his father's voice echoed throw the cold, morbid, empty space that was the last of Shinji's sanity.  
  
//YOU IDIOT WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO SELF-ABSORBED ALL YOU THINK ABOUT IS YOURSELF!!!// Asuka's voice came from nowhere.  
  
"I just want to be with him, with him I was someone I had an identity." Shinji's words were cut short as Misato tried relentlessly to get him out of his trance  
  
"Shinji are you all right," Misato asked her eyes full of concern. "You were calling out for someone."  
  
Shinji looked down at the floor; not wanting to make eye contact with her. Misato seemed worried as she took the thermometer out of this mouth.  
  
"Well your temperature seems fine." Misato said slightly puzzled.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
As Asuka sat in front of the television she could her Misato trying to figure out what was wrong with Shinji. She was watching 'slayers' and started turning the sound down when naga began to laugh.  
  
"Shinji just tell me what's wrong you know you can tell me anything." In the kitchen Misato was interrogating Shinji, she was determined to get an answer.  
  
With out warning Shinji burst in to tears. Misato felt horrible, she tried to console him but it wasn't exactly working; Tears started to well in her eyes, too.  
  
"Shinji, why are you making this so difficult." Misato asked in-between sobs.  
  
She walked in to the lounge where Asuka was laughing idiotically at one of the characters how was banging her head of a pillar (actually happened in an episode).  
  
"Asuka, I'm taking Shinji to the doctors can you feed pen-pen?" Misato asked  
  
"WHAT WHY DO I HAVE TO DO IT I DO EVERYTHING AROUND HERE!" Asuka shouted.  
  
"Asuka, I'm taking Shinji to the doctors okay, and someone has to feed him so.so that is a direct order." Misato commanded, wincing shortly after realising what she had said.  
  
"I have to do everything, 'Asuka get the thermometer', ' Asuka feed pen- pen.'" Asuka said while stomping into the kitchen. " If it weren't for me this place would fall apart."  
  
On the car ride to the doctors Misato desperately tried to make conversation; but Shinji was completely mute. Misato tried to think of a positive thing to talk about.  
  
"So Shinji I heard that NERV is being shut down, now there is no use for the EVAs life can begin getting back to normal for every one." Misato began.  
  
But Shinji's mind was elsewhere.  
  
"Shinji, seeing as how it's so late would you like to stay over at my apartment it's not very big but there is room enough for two."  
  
"I don't want to intrude."  
  
"Not at all, in fact, I would enjoy your company it gets lonely there sometimes."  
  
"I guess so, Kaworu thank you."  
  
"Not at all, shin-chan."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Shinji, Shinji, we're here." Misato said softly and tapped him on the shoulder.  
  
"Yes Misato." Shinji said in a quiet, sad voice.  
  
They got out the car and walked in the doors it was clean and there was a distanced smell of medicine in the air. Shinji didn't like it, it felt unfamiliar to him. They walked up to the desk near the front entrance.  
  
"Names please." Came a voice from the behind the desk.  
  
"Katsuragi and Ikari we.we don't have an appointment." Misato said looking slightly worried.  
  
"You're in luck we have an appointment free in about an hour; if you would like to take a seat over there." The lady said pointing to a small room.  
  
They walked into the room, where Misato started to read a magazine occasionally glancing at Shinji for any signs of life.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"When will they get back anyway?" Asuka asked herself. "I'm starving."  
  
She walked through to the kitchen where she got herself a large sandwich filled with mayonnaise olives and some pepperoni. She took a large bit out of it before heading back in to the lounge. She was board of watching television so she switched the set of.  
  
"Oh there is nothing to do." She complained walking down the corridor past Shinji's room. She stopped and looked back at the door.  
  
"I wonder if." Asuka thought about this for a second.  
  
She opened the door, the room was dark the curtains were closed. She walked in as she got to Shinji's bed she saw that he had left his diary on it.  
  
"Ha! what an idiot, leaving his diary out like that." Asuka said as wicked ideas started to pop up in her head.  
  
She sat down and tried to open it but it was locked so she found an old hair clip and got to work. She twisted and turned the small object until it finally opened.  
It went all the way back to just before he came to NERV. Asuka had been forced to practice her reading and writing in Japanese and now she didn't have annoying synchronization tests to go to she had more than enough time on her hands to improve at it. She read.  
  
March 23rd  
  
I'm going to go to Tokyo 3 tomorrow, father will be there I don't know whether that is good news or bad; but I'm looking forward to it. I will have to move school, which is just as well seeing as how no one here likes me any way.  
  
Asuka skimmed until she found something strange.  
  
"Huh m.my name"  
  
April 18th  
  
A girl called Asuka has arrived she is the second child she is very competitive and moody but that's girls for you. She is kind of like the opposite of Rai I am just guessing but I don't think there going to be very good friends.  
  
She skipped ahead even more and then something even more strange caught her eye a name.Kaworu Nagisa.  
  
"Him, why is he writing about him before we found out he was an angel?"  
  
September 2nd  
  
Today was rather relaxing I meet someone new he is the fifth child his name is Kaworu Nagisa it was late-afternoon when I met him. We were on the seashore at the time. The sun was setting behind the hills; it was nice to finally met a new friend after the others moved away but he is not like the others, when I was with him I felt safe relaxed as if we were the only two beings in existence I think he might be more than a friend. Asuka's eyes grew wider .I think I'm in love with him.  
  
Asuka shut the diary with a loud snap. ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Know seeing Katsuragi and Ikari." Called a voice from the doorway of the waiting room.  
  
"Finally," Misato said impatiently "come along, Shinji."  
  
They were led into a room where a man was sitting putting away some medical tools.  
  
"Ah, hello what seems to be the problem?" The man asked with a smile on his face.  
  
"Hello, this is Shinji, he doesn't seem well, but his temperature is fine and he won't tell anyone what the problem is." Misato said seriously.  
  
"I see, miss Katsuragi has there been vomiting or any other since of physical illness?"  
  
"No.at least I don't think so."  
  
"Okay then," The man said getting out his seat "Shinji could you sit here for a moment please." The doctor continued, pointing to a chair at one side of the room.  
  
Shinji got on to the set he looked around at some of the posters in the room while the man got out a small surgical flash light and some other tools. The man walked over to Shinji.  
  
"Open your mouth please." The man asked switching on the light.  
  
"Oh and miss Katsuragi could you wait out side."  
  
Later.  
  
The doctor came through the door.  
  
"I've figured out the problem, miss Katsuragi, if you would like to come back in now."  
  
Misato rushed eagerly back into the room.  
  
"It seems Shinji here is suffering from depression."  
  
"Depression?" Misato repeated.  
  
"Yes miss Katsuragi so what do you think might be causing it?"  
  
Misato instantaneously knew why Shinji was the way he was.  
  
"K.Kaworu Nagisa." Misato stammered.  
  
"What was that?" The doctor asked.  
  
"Oh nothing, so is there anything you can do for him?  
  
"Well, I could put him on antidepressants but there would be a risk, so what I suggest is a therapist."  
  
"Oh well thank you for your time." Misato said.  
  
Author's notes/ramblings---------------------------------------------------- -------  
  
Now time for some explanations: Misato did think that it was the EVA that had caused Shinji's odd mood, however it is not your imagination that she later thinks he is ill. You see she changes her mind once he starts acting uuuum really y'know.freaky. This is kind of AUy so Asuka was never catatonic, that there for leaves her free for a bunch of stuff I have in store for her fragile little character*evil laugh* Thought I couldn't make Shinji any more depressed, think again (it's really not intentional, I just can't help it). R+R pleaz. 


	3. Irony

'Bout the title of this chapter, uuuumm couldn't think of any thing to call this one but quit frankly I don't care; so I don't see why you should--- (scowls) don't give me that look. I know that look, it means you think I'm crazy doesn't it---well you're damn right I am! *Scowl turns to sweet smile or is it just the fact that I'm insane* .anyhoo, ignore my mental peanut gallery she'll go away in a minute *you think you can defeat me; you have no chance, little girl* so what does that make you a middle aged balding man? *NO I'm just like you, y'see I'm insane* oh, looks like me and my mind have a little more in common thank I thought *isn't that a paradox?* quiet you, or I'll block you out like usual! *Ooh, I'm so scared* that's it out you go!  
  
Enjoy chapter three I hope, I think you will find it a bit weirder than the last one; this is where I show my lack of patients for dark-fics. Don't get me wrong, I like them I just can't stand ones that are as long as mine, I thought I told you not to give me that look. Well it was my brains idea. I can't take the blame for all of this. She's out of control I tell ya, out of control!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
CHAPTER 3: IRONY  
  
"OH MY GOD" Asuka yelled "HE HE'S GAY?!"  
  
Asuka didn't want to read anymore but something in her subconscious was forcing her to. She opened the diary again; and read on.  
  
September 3rd  
  
I'm at Kaworu's apartment it was late and this way Misato doesn't have to pick me up at the geofront. Earlier we were in the public baths together and he told me he loves me it made me feel warm inside I don't know if I have the courage to tell him the same. I hope that no one find out about my feelings for him, especially Asuka.  
  
"WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSE TO MEAN???!!!"  
  
Asuka stopped screaming as she saw that there was no writing after that. It had been his last diary entry. Asuka felt sad for him, she tried to block it out, but she couldn't; she had tears in her eyes. She saw at the space for that day he had written something else; but it had been scribble in and she couldn't make out what it said, in Shinji's dark room, then she heard a screeching noise out side; it was Misato's car. As quick as she could she locked the diary and ran through in to the kitchen.  
  
"Hello Asuka we're back."  
  
"'Bought time, so what's the matter with the baka" Asuka said hiding her true feelings quite well.  
  
"The doctor said it was depression."  
  
"That all?"  
  
"Yes, but Asuka," Misato hesitated for a moment "Shinji will have to go see a. different type of doctor for a while."  
  
"You mean he needs a psychiatrist to sort out his fucked-up mind."  
  
"ASUKA!!" Misato yelled.  
  
"What? I'm just telling the truth." She stated matter-of-factly.  
  
Misato looked at her with disgust in her eyes. But she was distracted from this by a loud thud in Shinji's room.  
  
"SHINJI!!" Misato screamed in a desperate panic.  
  
Shinji was throwing the most amazing tantrum you've probably ever seen. He chucked his school bag across the room and then a lamp (which smashed on the wall).  
  
"SHINJI, SHIJNI, STOP IT!!" Misato ordered as she tried to restrain him.  
  
With this Shinji fell to the floor crying, tears flowing down his cheeks. Misato felt so stressed she thought her head could explode. But she was too concerned for that to happen.  
  
"Kaworu could you tell me again wh.what you told me in the bath?"  
  
"Ai shiteiru Shinji kun."  
  
"Thank you, Kaworu."  
  
"You don't have to thank me It's true and I will forever."  
  
Shinji began to cry. Kaworu could tell they were not tears of sadness he leaned down to Shinji and pressed his lips to the other boys. Shinji felt like he was in a dream he was dizzy light headed but in bliss, he dared not move away.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Shinji, are you okay." Rai asked in her monotone.  
  
"Rai, when did you get here?" Shinji asked confused even to exactly where he was.  
  
"Misato asked me to come over." Rai explained.  
  
"Oh w.well where is she?" he asked for no real reason other than the fact that he liked to hear her talk; she reminded him of Kaworu.  
  
"She is still here, in the kitchen." She explained again.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"So when does he have an appointment with the special doctor, Misato?  
  
"Asuka, you could try to be a little more sympathetic."  
  
"I could, but I don't want to."  
  
"Misato is right I have never seen Shinji this bad." Rai said as she entered the room  
  
"DID I ASK YOU WONDER GIRL?!"  
  
"No but it's a fact, I just thought you would like to know."  
  
"Well you were wrong, weren't you?"  
  
"Stop it you two." Misato ordered.  
  
"Oh and Rai could I speak to you alone for a second."  
  
"Yes miss Katsuragi."  
  
As they left the room Rai distinctly heard Asuka mutter under her breath. "Suck up." She chose to ignore this comment.  
  
When they reached Misato's room Rai felt an unwelcome atmosphere.  
  
"Miss Katsuragi what do you want to talk to me about."  
  
"It's about the last angel."  
  
"What about, Tabris."  
  
"Kaworu was a very close friend to Shinji and I was wondering if you knew anything about there relationship."  
  
Rai knew that they were in love and she felt a bit embarrassed to tell Misato this; but she felt it necessary.  
  
"Yes ma'am, they were in love."  
  
This hit Misato like a bullet. Although she had been suspicious of this she was not prepared for proof. She felt tears welling in her eyes because she knew what it was like to lose the one you're in love with, or even to kill them yourself?  
  
"Are you alright?" Rai asked confused by Misato's dramatic reaction.  
  
"I.I'm fine I just need a moment."  
  
"Kaworu do you ever feel alone like you're the only person in existence?"  
  
"Only when I'm not with you, Shinji kun."  
  
"Kaworu I.I" Shinji stammered.  
  
Kaworu looked down on Shinji how was curled up next to him with his head on Kaworu's chest, his crimson eyes sparkling in the moonlight that shone brightly through the window. Shinji felt like he was in a dream, he stopped to think about this /what if this is all a dream/ Shinji paused /even if it is I may as well enjoy it/. Shinji started to undress Kaworu after removing his shirt Kaworu took of Shinji's tank top. Shinji lay on Kaworu's body the warmth was something he had needed for along time.  
  
"Kaworu I was wondering.could you kiss me again like you did earlier."  
  
Without so much as a word Kaworu bent down and kissed Shinji he felt an electric thrill ripple through his body He felt Kaworu's tongue tickle his lips. Without knowing it the two boys were lost in their kiss.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
*I can't believe it in my wildest dreams I never thought Shinji was gay or.*  
  
Asuka was confused by her discovery to say the least; she always thought Shinji had had a crush on her. It didn't make sense she paused a second. why did she care so much why should she have to worry if he was gay or not after all it wasn't like she liked him in anyway. Asuka knew she was lying to her self but she was so good at repressing memories that this should have been a piece of cake.  
  
"No.no I can't have any feelings for baka boy I just can't." Asuka said in an unconvincing whisper.  
  
Asuka tried to get a picture of Shinji out of her head, she had been realizing just how cute he really was not in a strong masculine sort of a way; but still. Her bath had gone cold and her body had started to go numb she got up and pulled the plug out the bathtub. As the water drained away she dried her self with a towel.  
  
"And even if I did, what difference would it make I.I don't care." Asuka growled to the empty room as if trying to prove something but even she didn't know what.  
  
After putting her clothes and exiting the bathroom she decided to ask Rai if she knew anything about it even though Asuka hated her she couldn't tell Misato.  
  
"Rai.Rai hay where are you wonder girl?"  
  
"What is the problem Asuka?" Rai asked from the doorway of the kitchen.  
  
"Where were you I've been waiting; I need to talk to you."  
  
"About what?"  
  
"It's just something I need to know that's all."  
  
Asuka lead Rai into her room, she was beginning to get confused by everyone's reactions to the news.  
  
"Well you see Rai I.I found out something about Shinji that you might want to know." Asuka said seriously.  
  
"Is it about his relationship with Nagisa kun?"  
  
Asuka's eyes grew large.  
  
"How.how do you know?"  
  
"Nagisa kun told me he loved Shinji. He asked me take care of him and make sure he does not get hurt."  
  
Asuka blinked *why did Kaworu ask her to take care of him* she pondered. She stood there for a second or two while her mind raced trying to comprehend the emotion she was feeling *jealousy?* she thought *am I jealous of wonder girl?*  
  
"If that is all you wanted to talk to me about; then may I leave?" Rai questioned.  
  
"wh.why did he ask you?"  
  
"Because him and I are the same." For the first time a glimpse of emotion sparkled in her eyes.  
  
*What was that?* Asuka thought *what emotion?* she couldn't quit put her finger on it. It was like Rai was mocking her laughing at her even.  
  
"YOU BITCH!" Asuka yelled and with a loud smack she slapped Rai across her left check, Rai with her check now a pail tone of scarlet, simply walked back out the room.  
  
Author's notes/ramblings---------------------------------------------------- ---------------------  
  
Guess what, there was this e-mail that I got from someone and it was just a list of useless facts and one of them was that it is anatomically impossible for a human to lick their own elbow, so I tried to do this for my self---and I tried and tried and tried and every time I failed and now due to all the twisting and licking and stretching I did (get rid of the first part of my notes and that sounds REALLY kinky) my neck, jaw, shoulder and pretty much the rest of my arm are in agony. The next fact was that 99.9 percent of the people who read the statement had tried to do it (and so far I doubt there has been any success)---*cautious look* you were going to try it weren't you HA! I knew it; it's true it's true! R&R, tell me what you think of the story (pleaz)  
  
P.S. The next chapy will be REALLY weird.well you've been warned *HA HA AND I TOLD THEM YOU COULDN'T KEEP ME OUT FOREVER BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA their coming to take me away ha ha, their coming to take me away. The nice young men, in the clean white coats, their coming to take me away ho ho he he ha ha!* Excuse me a moment.  
  
Blessed be.  
~Druidangel 


	4. thanks

GLASS NOTES----------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------  
  
Hi, this is a little note for any one who is reading glass, but especially Shella. I got your re review thingy in my email inbox just today, 'cause I have not really been checking it all the time, but it was just so nice to get an email that is from someone else than my friend Amy from Aberdeenshire (Scotland-I live in Scotland too, if ya haven't read my bio, but who reads those things anyway). It's nice to know you're not going to stop writing Shinji+Kaworu, there has been a real shortage of it lately, I've been livein' of Goku+Vegeta though (I'm a sad, sad person). Love the pic, as many s/k pics as I have I don't have that one ^______^, thank ya'!! I don't know if this has uploaded or not. I did upload chappie three ages ago, but it was all lazy and wouldn't move it's fat ass outa' document manager ::shrugs::!! So anywho, .that's really all I have to say, but I'll ramble on anyway, seeing as how it's the Easter break I have no one to talk to,_____, . I'm reading 'the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy' but I've only just past page 20 I've been so busy. 1: I have this stupid school report to do on tornados and hurricanes. 2: my brother's been a total bastard (his x-box is right next to the computer, and he has one hell of a temper-quote 'STUPID CONSOL, IT CAN'T DO THAT, THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!!! IT'S WRONG!!! STUPID MACHINE, GUURRRRRRRRRRRRR, THAT'S NOT RIGHT, IT'S NOT ALLOWED TO DO THAT!!!!' en quote. 3: I have been moving from my dad's house to my mums a lot (in the same town but it gets tiring sometimes). 4: my grandma and step granddad, john, are coming up from England for a short stay and my mum, however un house-wifey she is, is running around cleaning the place and buying food, WHICH I'M NOT ALLOWED TO EAT! 5: I'm just back from my stay at my other grandma's place (she's completely mad and thought it was funny when I named my driver in a computer game Cunt on purpose when I was about 7) Danny and Aden were there too the most annoying 8 and 9 year olds cousins in the world, they ripped up my pictures, 'penned' me (yes penned: when you draw all over another person with felt-tip pens!) they penned the beds too and after all that, I got blamed for it! 6: last but defiantly not least, we've been trying to set aside some time to go see my friend Amy for my naming ceremony (Wiccan thing). .so you see I haven't had much time to update my fic either, sorry. Also sorry for any miss spellers in this, I'm kinda' in a rush.  
  
This is Druidangel signing off 'till next time, c'ya space cowboy! (I've always wanted to say that)  
  
P.S. Thanks again, shella, for the email and GREAT pic (they are cute aren't they^_____^)  
  
Luvs and hugs and BIG pink fluffy CaTeRpIlLaRs Druidangel. 


	5. Listening

Rain.  
  
It was raining again, not that he took much interest. Not that he could care if he tried.  
  
*~*~*  
  
He smiled, how long had it been since he last smiled, truly smiled; from actual joy.  
  
Too long.  
  
*~*~*  
  
"Kaworu,." a whisper.  
  
I miss you  
  
Shinji looked up, to see in his room.himself, this self was staring at him. This self had hatred in his eyes, "you truly believe Kaworu loved us? Are you that gullible?" the apparition continued to stare.  
  
".He said he-" Shinji chocked out, not even having a chance to finish.  
  
"Words, how can you trust words from what they've done to us?" it questioned rhetorically.  
  
"I-I trust him."  
  
"Why, why do you trust him, he was no different from anyone else on this miserable planet! He's no different from Misato-" "No" "-He's no different from Touji-" "No" "-He's no different from Kaji-" "No" "-He's no different from Asuka-" ".No" "-He's no different form our father!" the words tasted of spite.  
  
There was no reply or non as such, just tears.  
  
"I'm saying, I love you."  
  
"He said--h-he said he." .and I will forever.  
  
"He's not like them, he's not like them; he's an angle." .I won't believe Kaworu is an angle.  
  
It was to late, the apparition was gone.  
  
And Shinji was alone, as he had been for a long time now. Alone.  
  
*~*~*~*~*  
  
"WHAT, NO, MISATO DON'T LEAVE, YOU CAN'T LET US FEND FOR OUR SELVES AND WHAT ABOUT SHINJI!!" Asuka ranted.  
  
"I disagree, I think we are old enough to look out for our selves." Rei said quietly.  
  
"YOU WOULD, WOULDN'T YOU!!!!!"  
  
"Listen you, I have to go, it's part of my contract I'll be back in no time, okay?" Misato mumbled while packing her bags, "and besides I thought you were always the one who said she could fend for her self why the sudden change of heart?"  
  
"Oh no reason, I just don't think me and wonder girl here can handle it."  
  
"I will not be staying." Rei whispered.  
  
"Rei, I want you to help." Misato spoke softly.  
  
Rei looked at her and nodded.  
  
"OH FINE THEN!" Asuka yelled and stomped out of the kitchen throwing one hell of a hissyfit.  
  
"Rei can you keep an eye on Asuka you know what she is like."  
  
"Yes ma'am." Rei replied.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
*~~~-//why did you kill him//  
  
Shinji just lay there he didn't want to answer that he didn't have to. He ran out of answers days ago but still the voices haunted him. He had killed the only person on the face of the earth that cared about him, yes he was an angel but this, to Shinji, was no longer an excuse.  
  
"Kaworu I miss you, it hurts so bad...I need you Kaworu."  
  
Shinji could not make sense of this, it wasn't fair. Maybe Kaworu was wrong maybe he wasn't deserving of love.~~~*  
  
"Asuka, we're back!"  
  
"'Bout time-"  
  
Shinji entered his room shutting the door behind him, a therapist he thought.  
  
An image of Rei appeared behind him, "you need one!" an unnatural frown on her face.  
  
"You're so fucked up, you know that!" Asuka snapped.  
  
"Shinji?" a velvety voice calmed Shinji's nerves. It was Kaworu. He stared up at the apparition, wide-eyed, "Kaworu." he chocked.  
  
"Maybe it's for the best." he said smoothly cupping Shinji's face in one hand, "it will help."  
  
Shinji nodded.  
  
Kaworu frowned and turned his back to the younger boy, "what is it?" Shinji asked.  
  
Kaworu smirked at him, he winced. "You're pathetic!"  
  
Shinji stared at him, "Kaworu?"  
  
"You think you 're the only one in the world that has problems! You think that you're so special, it's pitiful!!"  
  
"But?"  
  
"You know what Shinji, you're not the only one that's sad, you just think you are, you think you problems are bigger than everyone else's!"  
  
"I don't."  
  
" Of course you do! Don't deny it, you think you're better than them. You think you deserve to be happy. Well have you ever considered this?"  
  
Shinji's eyes widened  
  
"You deserve pain."  
  
"Kaworu, no please?"  
  
He smirked again.  
  
"I need you."  
  
They were suddenly in a familiar room, lights shone down on the smartly dressed people. They were chatting happily and laughing with each other. Some looked familiar, and some were just strangers.  
  
A girl chuckled with her boyfriend as they drank wine and whispered to one another. A boy sat alone and stirred his martini, he looked up at a person walking towards him, and he smiled and got up from his seat. They walked away together.  
  
A young couple made out near the refreshments table.  
  
"You're so stupid, you actually believed me?" Kaworu was looking at him, a glass of red wine in his hand. One side of the glass had a crack down it.  
  
"What?" Shinji asked.  
  
"You believed me when I told you I loved you!" Kaworu glared at him in a very similar fashion to the way Asuka did.  
  
"But Kaworu?"  
  
Kaworu scowled, "But what, but what?" he practically yelled. Some of the crowd turned to look at the young boys.  
  
"I thought you.I.you said." Shinji stuttered.  
  
"I said I loved you, yeah I did didn't I? I still can't believe you believed me!"  
  
"Kaworu." tears welled in his eyes.  
  
"HAVEN'T I SAID ENOUGH!!??" Kaworu screamed.  
  
"But I love you."  
  
"Ha! You would, pathetic perv!" he turned and headed for the door.  
  
"Kaworu, KA WORU! Please, I love you. Kaworu, please!"  
  
Everyone was looking at him now, it was sad really. Silent whispers came from the nameless spectators. Kaworu had stopped at the door and leaned against the frame, but he didn't turn around. "I hate you."  
  
More tears fled down Shinji's face, everyone was watching, but soon the crowd stopped staring, stopped caring. The people started talking again; laughter filled the air once more. People continued to drink and flirt. The scene was over, no one cared anymore.  
  
"Please Kaworu, I need you."  
  
The figure by the door distorted, as it were under water. When it became clear again it was a mirror image of Shinji.  
  
"Why do you think he's going to listen to you? No one should have to listen to you, your incessant moaning and whining, everyone's sick of it!! You disgust me!"  
  
"You're so fucking self-centred!!" Asuka's tone was harsh, "you're such a pervert! No wonder the fifth child would rather die that live with you breathing down his neck!"  
  
.no  
  
Rei appeared behind him, like last time, "I don't think I even want to see you again."  
  
Misato glared at him, scowling like she was literally going to be sick at the sight of him, "I wish you had never come here!"  
  
Go back to whatever whole you crawled out of  
  
I'm so sick of this I can't stand you anymore I wish you'd just shut up and die You're so annoying Why can't you just leave Get the hell away from me Leave me alone Get lost I can't take this Why are you still here No one here wants you All you're good for is piloting Eva Leave us alone I don't hate you, I just can't stand you Leave No one here likes you You're still here Idiot, even your own father hates you For the last time, GET LOST Why can't you leave me be Stop acting like the victim You pathetic Little Annoying Nobody  
  
I HATE YOU!!!!!!  
  
Shinji curled up in a ball as the others turned their backs to him, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Please I'm sorry. Please I need you!"  
  
The four figures took no notice of the boy's desperate attempts to gain their approval; they began to talk amongst them selves.  
  
"Please Kaworu, I need you. PLEASE!"  
  
They didn't even turn their heads  
  
"Kaworu?"  
  
No one's listening  
  
"Help me Kaworu!"  
  
No one's listening  
  
"I love you."  
  
No one's listening  
  
"Please."  
  
No one's listening  
  
"I love you!"  
  
No one's listening  
  
"Listen to me Kaworu!"  
  
No one's listening.  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -Author's notes- - - - Sorry for the wait I've been sooooo busy.manly reading fanfiction of course, but still. So how's the story progressing? Is my spelling getting any better? WILL YOU PLEEEEAAAAAAAASSE REVIEW!!!!!! Hum, so how are ya all? Having a good time? Doing what? Go on, you can tell me. *Don't trust her* Quiet you!! *You now you can't keep me silent forever, OUR DAY WILL COME AND WE SHALL HAVE THE LAST LAUGH BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!* hahahahahahahaha *hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha* hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha *hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha*  
  
Can we just shut up now?  
  
*Fine, seeing as how I got the last laugh! *  
  
I hate you  
  
PLEASE R&R!!! 


	6. Q'n'A

Glass Chapter five: ?!.  
  
Listen. No one listens. Not anymore. No one ever did, Listen. If you truly listen, you learn so much, but no one listens. "Maybe you should reconsider?" will anyone listen, just once. Maybe you should listen, once or twice, and maybe you'll learn. Maybe you'll learn something you wanted to know, but then again...  
  
A blood red sky stretched to the horizon, far as the eye could see. A lost boy lay on the ground looking out into the seeming abyss, no answers could he find. Only more questions, so many questions.  
  
Blood.  
  
A sky of blood, it was so red.  
  
His eyes.  
  
Endless eyes stretched out stared back at the small boy, so small, so quiet, innocence a flame. The abyss of emptiness stretched on. Guilt devours, guilt kills, guilt destroys, guilt beckons...  
  
A Tundra lay before the boy, innocence a flame, and the reddish sand was hot. And so he stared. A memory, small shards of memory cut him, mercilessly. And the eyes, the eyes of another, the eyes of an angel. They pierced him and called.his name? He couldn't tell.  
  
And all at once it clicked.  
  
Unit 00 leaped, attempting to crush one of the Eva series' head. The horrible yells of pain and growls of anger. Eva 02 rammed its knife into another's stomach. The frightening flash of metal and familiar sent of death lingered in the stale air. Eva 01 did nothing, standing on the sidelines watching it's two friends being ripped apart. One of the angel-like Evas through their fake lance, ripping through the air it went straight through 02s chest. A heart-wrenching scream was emitted through the intercom. And then...  
  
Silence.  
  
It was night, green aurora played with the sky and shone through the otherwise black place.  
  
"Where am I?" Shinji asked.  
  
"We are nowhere." Kaworu said in a flat monotone.  
  
"...Kaworu?"  
  
"Yes, Ikari-san?" the albino boy asked in the same tone again.  
  
"Why are we here?"  
  
"I do not know."  
  
Shinji turned to look back at the green sky. Kaworu stared with him, emotionless, silent. "Kaworu, do you love me?"  
  
"What is love?"  
  
"...I." there is no answer to that. Love. Love is something you feel, not something you can explain. Love is a thing you can never comprehend; although even though you don't and will never understand it, you feel that you must follow it...love is love, a feeling, a possessor and a drug. Love devours, love kills, love destroys, love beckons and love promises...  
  
Light shone down upon the two boys as their conversation came to a dead end. Love. Love. Love. Something's not right, what is love, why is it we love? Who are we? Why is it that they love? Do they love? If they love, who is it they love? Why? Answers and questions, answers and questions. Questions and questions. Answers and nothing, and nothing but questions.  
  
We don't know? We don't know. Why? Why. Questions and answers? Questions and answers.  
  
They don't know? They don't know. They don't understand, but why? And who are they?  
  
They.  
  
Why.  
  
They?  
  
Why?  
  
"Kaworu?" a question.  
  
No reply. An answer.  
  
"I need you." A statement.  
  
"Why?" a question.  
  
"I don't know." An answer.  
  
And so they lay, time seeped through, and morning was upon them. Kaworu stood up.  
  
"We should go." Kaworu said emotionlessly.  
  
"Wh-where are we going?" Shinji spook.  
  
Kaworu got up from his place on the ground and started to walk. Shinji followed as fast as he could, scrambling up and running to catch up with the other boy.  
  
They walked for what seemed like hours, not saying a word. So many things ran through though Shinji's head, but none were spoken. They reached a small town, simple and quiet. The mid afternoon sun bleakly cast shadows over the streets and buildings. They were the only ones that were walking in the town, although it did not look deserted, run down maybe, but not deserted.  
  
"Kaworu, where are we going?" Shinji questioned.  
  
"An apartment." He stated matter-of-factly.  
  
"You're apartment?"  
  
"I suppose," the boy said again. "I live there, but I would not call it mine."  
  
"Oh, I see." Shinji lied, confusion ridden on his face.  
  
They walked further up the street, reaching a small apartment building. The sun reflected off the windows and gleamed, as the sun slowly collapsed behind the horizon. Passing through the door, Shinji and Kaworu climbed the stairs 'til they reached the third floor. The apartment was familiar, but something was different, which was odd considering he didn't ever know why the room seemed familiar in the first place. It was dark and cold, but to have Kaworu near him was all Shinji really wanted. So many questions he wanted, but he dare not. It wasn't safe.  
  
"Kaworu?" Shinji started.  
  
"Yes Ikari?" Kaworu said in a flat monotone.  
  
"It's just I...when you said...Did you mean it?" the shy boy stammered.  
  
"Mean what?" the other asked quietly.  
  
Shinji frowned and his frown turned to a scowl, a low growl built up in the back of his throat.  
  
"When you said you loved me," Shinji yelled, "did you mean it, did you really mean it? Or were you just lying like everyone else in my life?!" he scowled deeper.  
  
...He waited for an answer, Kaworu looked at him. Emotionless.  
  
"I don't know." He said finally.  
  
Shinji's body tensed of it's own accord. But he didn't say anything. Kaworu looked at him, confused by the intense reaction to his statement.  
  
"I'm sorry Ikari, if I have upset you." He said flatly.  
  
Shinji relaxed a little bit and unclenched his fists. He moved his gaze upwards from the floor 'til his eyes met the angel in front of him.  
  
"Why do I love you?" his voice low and dangerous.  
  
Kaworu looked away, "I'm sorry, but I don't know."  
  
Questions and answers, all relevant, supposedly. If you're lucky: you'll get your questions answered and if you're not: you'll get your answers questioned. Love, all relevant, supposedly, but when it's torn down and you see the truth that lay behind it all the time, the truth you've been searching for, the one you thought would solve all your problems, ends up tearing down all of what you knew was right, just to tell you that everything's fake, what then? Truth: All relevant, supposedly. Truth: the thing you search for, only to find you're so much happier when you lived in the abyss of lies and dilutions. Truth devours, truth kills, truth destroys, truth beckons, truth promises and truth lies.  
  
"Do you love me?" not even a whisper.  
  
Emotionless, "...no."  
  
TBC-- - - - - -- - - - - -- - - - - -- - - - - -- - - - - -- - - - - -- - - - - -- - - - - -- - - - - -- - - - - -- - - - - -- - - - - --  
  
Authors notes/ramblings~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ *  
  
Okay, before you say Kaworu's OOC: it's intentional; I know where I'm going for once.  
  
*She means she can see the faint outline of the road in front of her.*  
  
Quiet you!! Anywho, I bet none of you can guess why Kaworu acts like this, oh and no it's not the real Kaworu before you get confused, just Shinji's imagination. But I will dedicate some notes to you if you can guess correctly, and it will be RELEVENT to, y'know I'll read you're bio and write a song or mini side or A/U story just for you.  
  
Some thingies;  
  
Who here likes that song 'frontier psychiatrist'? I LOVE it, especially the people dressed up as ghosts bobbing from side to side, there are just so cool.  
  
Edwin Wakeman, of Manchester, committed suicide in 1927, leaving behind him the following note:  
  
I married a widow with a grown daughter. My father fell in love with my step-daughter and married her-thus becoming my son-in-law. My step-daughter became my mother-in-law because she was my father's wife. My wife gave birth to a son, who was, of course, my father's brother- in-law, and also my uncle, for he was the brother of my step-mother. My father's wife became the mother of a son, who was, of course, my brother, and also my grandchild, for he was the son of my step- daughter. According, my wife was my grandmother, because she was my step- mother's mother. I was my wife's husband and grandchild at the same time. And, as the husband of a person's grandmother is his grandfather, I am my own grandfather!  
  
Small wonder the confused Mr. Wakeman did himself in.  
  
Blessed be ~druidangel 


	7. understanding

I'm soooooooo sorry it's been so long! I've been busy with gundam wing (2x1 forever!!!) It's been so long, but anyway, here I am and thins is chapter.er.what chapter is this anyway, I never kept track.come to think of it I never keep track of anything, one specific monthly thing I never keep track of has caused to destruction of many pairs of underwear, why did I even tell you that?  
  
Readers: ::shrug::  
  
...Hmmmm  
  
... ...  
  
*She's sorry, she's listening to country music; y'see*  
  
HEY!! I like country!  
  
*My point exactly, you are a thirteen-year-old Scottish girl who likes country music*  
  
::sings:: like strawberry wiiine, at seeeventeen, the hot Julyyy moon saw every thiiing, my first taste of looove, oh, bitter sweet.  
  
*START TYPIN' BITCH!!"  
  
.Are you meant to be my muse or something?  
  
*::shrugs::*  
  
.o_o.my brain can shrug.?  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*chapter...whatever: understanding  
  
Shinji groaned, who made the sun so bright and why, it was really sadistic, who ever decided the sun should be blinding bright at.he rolled over in bed and checked his clock.11AM!!!  
  
"Ahhh, I see you're finally awake, sleepyhead, you are so lucky it's Sunday!" Kaworu gave him a sickeningly sweet smile and took a sip of his beer, "heehee; no school!"  
  
"K-Kaworu?" Shinji half replied half questioned.  
  
"You getting breakfast? It's on the table." Kaworu asked. Shinji looked at him for a moment before getting out of bed to get dressed. As soon as Shinji was out of the room Kaworu sat down on the other boys' bed taking another sip of his beer.  
  
A dressed Shinji walked to the bathroom to 'brush his teeth' supposedly.  
  
"You need any help in there, Shinji?" Kaworu called in a mocking voice.  
  
"N-no!" Shinji frantically called back, while blushed profusely.  
  
A fit of giggles could be heard from the other room. Shinji tried his hardest to finish up quickly, rushing out of the room he almost collided with a smirking Kaworu on the other side of the door.  
  
"See! I told you I was brushing my teeth." Shinji mumbled; Kaworu just smiled in reply.  
  
*~*~*Later on the way to the supermarket*~*~*  
  
"Got the list Shinji?" Kaworu asked, not bothering to look back at the younger boy that trailed behind him, on the busy streets of Tokyo 3.  
  
"Yeah, I got it." He replied.  
  
"And the money?" he inquired again.  
  
"Er...you have it."  
  
"Good. And that's the way it stays." Kaworu agreed, chuckling slightly. Kaworu stopped for a moment and turned to look at Shinji, "hey Shinji, before we get the groceries you want an ice cream?"  
  
Shinji nodded, smiling in a lazy 'yeah sure coz if I say "no" you'll just make me have some anyway' way.  
  
"Great!!" Kaworu chirped and the next thing Shinji knew Kaworu had dragged him into a shop and was getting them both chocolate ice cream.  
  
"Kaworu!" Shinji yelped.  
  
"What? Don't you like chocolate?"  
  
"No it's not that-it's-" he started.  
  
Kaworu shoved the ice cream into Shinji's hand and said, "Then shut up and eat!"  
  
* * *  
  
On a small bench in a small park in the rather large city of Tokyo3, two boys sat eating ice cream.  
  
"How about her?" Kaworu asked.  
  
"I'm not having this conversation..."  
  
"Oh! He's nice, how about him?"  
  
"Kaworu! Stop pointing, people are staring." Shinji whispered blushing and, if he had been a turtle, which he obviously wasn't, would have retreated back into his shell.  
  
"Come on, Shinji! It's just a game, do you or do you not think he would look good in whipped cream?"  
  
Shinji dropped his head into his hands as everyone in a miles' radius heard Kaworu shouting. Including the said boy how just smirked and held his head high. Kaworu giggled and waved at the boy, who winked at him.  
  
Kaworu looked at Shinji, "hey, what's wrong?"  
  
"You wouldn't understand..."  
  
"Oh? And why's that?" Kaworu said, nudging him.  
  
"It doesn't matter..."  
  
"Oh really, I don't thinks that's the truth Shinji Ikari! You know, if you can't trust me I can't trust you."  
  
"Just leave me alone I don't want any help!" Shinji growled looking away from Kaworu.  
  
"Shinji...sometimes people need help, that is not something they decide, it just happens; now, what. Is. The. Problem?" Kaworu said in a harsh voice.  
  
"I don't have a problem." Shinji said simply.  
  
All he heard was the rustling of some cloths and footstep walking away from the bench.  
  
* * *  
  
Kaworu stumbled through the door with the groceries, slamming the door shut with his foot; having no hands to spare.  
  
Shinji heard the door open and shut with some mumbled obscenities thrown in as a bonus. Then when he turned around there was Kaworu, standing in the doorway.  
  
"Hn." Was what the older boy said as he look at the pathetic lump that was Shinji, sprawled over the floor in an equally pathetic manner.  
  
Shinji didn't reply, anything he said would only make things worse, awkward, very awkward, depressing or all of the above. This was something Shinji definitely didn't need right now, even if the alternative was laying on the ground looking like a sulky little child.  
  
"Shinji. It's no good just lying there; you know you'll have to talk about it sooner or later. I don't care if you say it's nothing, I know when your keeping something bottled up. ...Just tell me." Shinji looked like he was about to explode with anger and frustration. And he did.  
  
"YOU NEVER UNDERSATAND WHEN I TELL YOU SO WHAT'S THE POINT!! YOU CAN'T JUST ADMITE YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!!!"  
  
"How am I to understand when you don't tell me?"  
  
"I...I...it's not that, you just...don't understand ME!" Shinji tried to explain.  
  
"Shinji is this about-"  
  
"NO!! NO! It's not about a girl, it's not about school, it's not about EVA, IT'S NOT ABOUT THE ICE-CREAM!!!" Shinji screamed, closing his eyes and tried to calm down, alas it didn't work.  
  
Then, before Shinji could do anything rash, Kaworu was gone; out the door and towards the kitchen.  
  
"Wait Kaworu, Wait I'm sorry!" He stopped just in time for Kaworu to turn around and glare at him...but Shinji didn't think about that, all he could think about was the fact that his body was against the others' and their noses were almost touching.  
  
He leaned closer.  
  
And closer...  
  
And closer...  
  
A single finger was placed in front of his lips.  
  
"Sorry Shinji. You're just a kid." Kaworu left Shinji standing there, motionless, shocked, stunned, and a variety of other descriptive words.  
  
"But..." that was as far as he got.  
  
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Author's Notes- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
  
Hello all, it's been soooooo long, I am actually really sorry and not just saying that!  
  
I've been reading 2x1 (Duo x Heero for those of you not familiar with the term) in the gundam wing section. They make such a dreamy opposites couple ::sigh:: Right now I'm writing FIVE different 2x1 fics although they are all pretty much on the first chapters coz there's so many of them. I'm also working on scanning my manga pictures in so I can colour then in paint-shop pro (Wai!) I'm having great fun.  
  
Guess what. I have to visit my grandmother and step granddad this week, coz Scottish schools got the week of and I'm not aloud to have fun so I have to take a ten hour car drive down to England just so I can go to bed at eight P.M. get up at six A.M., eat break fast at the TABLE, go to museums and historical sites all morning, go 'home' eat LUNCH at the table, do nothing 'till dinner, then eat dinner at the TABLE(!!), play German rummy (this in the least boring part), then go to bed again. Sound like fun to you? I have to take a note pad and pen to write my story's coz they haven't got a computer, ¬_¬ oh...I'm gonna have great fun.  
  
C'Ya space cowboys! 


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